Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.