Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.