When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Men are as faithful as their options.