Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I'm single because I was born that way.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.