Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.