If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.