It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.