Sex is an emotion in motion.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.