I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.