Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.