Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
No good deed goes unpunished.