He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
No good deed goes unpunished.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.