He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.