Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.