The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Men are as faithful as their options.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.