When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.