Sex is an emotion in motion.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.