When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.