Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.