Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.