When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.