I'm single because I was born that way.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.