Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.