I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.