Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Men are as faithful as their options.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.