My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.