I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.