If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.