Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.