If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.