Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.