There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I drink to make other people more interesting.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.