In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

No good deed goes unpunished.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!