The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.