You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.