Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.