If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I'm single because I was born that way.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.