I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.