It is better to be alone than in bad company.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.