It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.