Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.