My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.