I'm single because I was born that way.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.