There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.