Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I'm single because I was born that way.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.