Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

No good deed goes unpunished.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.