I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.