Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.