A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.