A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.