Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.