If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.