It is better to be alone than in bad company.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Men are as faithful as their options.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I'm single because I was born that way.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.