I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.