I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.