I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.