If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ