What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Sex is an emotion in motion.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.