Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.