If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I'm single because I was born that way.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.