I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.