Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.