If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.