By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.