I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.