Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Men are as faithful as their options.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.