I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.