A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.