You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.