Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.