Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.