I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.