Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.