I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.