Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.