Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.