Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.