I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.