Women are made to be loved not understood.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps