I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.