Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
No good deed goes unpunished.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.