I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.