I have nothing to declare except my genius.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Men are as faithful as their options.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.