My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.