Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.