You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I'm single because I was born that way.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?