I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.