I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?