I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.