If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Men are as faithful as their options.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
No good deed goes unpunished.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.