Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.