A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.