You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?