He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.