Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.