It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.