Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.