I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.