Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.