If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I'm single because I was born that way.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.