The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.