If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.