I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.